Finding Peace in the Midst of Pain

In the intricate tapestry of life, moments of pain can grip even the most resilient hearts. For me, this pain came from the unfathomable actions of a loved one—my father. I have been shaken to my core, left feeling broken and weary. Though the scars may be invisible, they will echo through eternity.

In the book of James, often regarded as Jesus' half-brother and a leader in the early church in Jerusalem, it is written: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" (James 1:2-6). Though addressed to Jewish Christians in the first century, these words continue to guide those striving to live a life of faith today and remind me that I need to take this to God.

So what do you do when God's calling feels impossibly distant? When following His will leads you into a storm of emotions that threatens to overwhelm you? When you realize that the only way out of the anger, confusion, and heartbreak is to move through it? When the pain itself is so profound that you must constantly remind yourself it is real?

You understand that peace in this storm comes through forgiveness. It stands as a beacon of hope and light in circumstances that feel insurmountable. It is our only source of hope and a direct command from God. And though it feels impossible, you know that it is 100%, necessary.

Forgiveness Comes from an Open Heart

Through faith, I've been continuously reminded that if we forgive, peace will come. Still, however, I find myself struggling to even allow the word to cross my tongue. And I know, that even if the most egregious of the accusations is true, I must open my heart to the peace and healing that forgiving my father will bring. I will have to set aside my pride or desires for justice and punishment and embrace the notion that forgiveness, true forgiveness, knows no conditions. It is an act of pure grace, a form of mercy we extend to others, not because they deserve it, but because we deserve freedom from the chains of resentment and hurt. I will have to remember that God has never promised this journey to be easy, just that it would be worth it.

Faith in Adversity

True faith is not found in moments of prosperity and ease but in the darkest hours of our lives. When everything we hold dear crumbles around us, when our faith is tested to its very limits, that is when our faith becomes real. It is in the depths of despair that we discover the strength to forgive, to let go of our pain and, embrace the promise of peace that lies beyond. When we find it hard to know where God is, that is when we need him most. When I find it difficult to earnestly pray and ask God for his wisdom is when I need to sit back, listen and know He is there. I am not alone.

Deserving Forgiveness

Deep down, I believe that no matter the sins we carry in our hearts, we all deserve forgiveness. We are not defined by our mistakes but by our capacity to learn, to grow, and to forgive. Each person is worthy of compassion simply for being human. As Christians, we are called to embody this principle. For me, the question isn't whether I can forgive my dad, but how I can do so, regardless of what he has done.

The Essence of Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be an arduous journey, especially when it comes to deep wounds, like those inflicted by my dad. It requires relentless effort and a conscious choice to forgive, even amid overwhelming grief. Sometimes, I find myself needing to forgive him repeatedly—every ten minutes, it seems. Yet, I know that holding onto my pain only binds me to the past. Forgiveness isn’t about erasing memories or excusing wrongs; it’s about freeing ourselves from the grip of anger and resentment, and allowing ourselves a chance to fully heal.

By choosing to forgive, we lay down the heavy burdens we’ve carried and embrace the promises of God. We open ourselves to the possibility of peace, even amidst life’s storms. This journey is ultimately about us—it’s a gift we offer ourselves, a pathway to healing and liberation. Though the road may be long and rocky, the destination—a heart unburdened by hatred—is worth every step.

Modeling Forgiveness for Our Children

It’s essential to recognize that our actions speak volumes, especially to our children. By modeling forgiveness, we impart vital lessons about compassion and grace. When we demonstrate how to forgive, we teach our kids that it’s not a sign of weakness but a profound strength. It shows them that even in the face of hurt, there is always the opportunity for healing and renewal.

I don’t expect my son to forgive his abuser; that’s a heavy burden for anyone to bear. However, I pray that one day he can find it within himself to let go of the pain and resentment, for his healing and wholeness. True forgiveness is a journey, and my hope is that he understands it as a way to free himself from the shackles of hurt, not as a requirement or obligation to the one who caused it, but as an opportunity to grow in closer communion with God.

Our faith calls us to extend grace, just as God has graciously extended it to us. As we navigate our own journeys of forgiveness, we can share our experiences with our children, helping them understand the importance of letting go of anger and embracing love. This act of modeling forgiveness instills in them a sense of hope and encourages them to seek reconciliation in their own lives. In doing so, we guide them towards a life rooted in faith, where they learn that forgiveness is not just an act but a reflection of God’s love. By demonstrating forgiveness, we equip our children with the tools they need to navigate their own relationships, fostering a generation that values empathy and grace.